Clarence Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Smith family was very proud of the fact that their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. As a legacy for their children, they hired a top-notch author to research and write a book about their family history.
Much to their horror, it was discovered that Great-uncle Clarence had been executed in the electric chair for committing murder. Devastated, they didn't want that to be revealed in the book, but felt that they didn't want Great-uncle Clarence to be omitted either. After voicing their concerns to the author, he assured them that he could handle everything tactfully.
When the book came out, the section on Great-uncle Clarence read:-
'Great-uncle Clarence occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties and his death came as a great shock.'

After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. 00. "That is a bit much," said Clarence.
So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30. 00. "That's still quite a bit," Clarence groused.
Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15. 00 bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.

A burglar enters a home and is greeted by "Jesus is watching!"
He shines his flashlight around and finds no one.
He takes another step to hear "Jesus is watching you."
This time he shines the light to discover a parrot.
He asks, "Was that you talking ?"
The parrot answers "Yes."
The burglar asks, "What is your name?"
The parrot replies, "Clarence."
The burglar asks, "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot replies, "The same idiot that named the Doberman Jesus."

"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
"My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question."

A burgular enters a house when he thinks no one is home. As he is creeping through the living room he hears "Jesus is watching you". Startled, he looks around but sees nothing. He tries walking through the house and hears it again. This time he looks around and spots a parrot in the corner of the room. "Did you say Jesus is watching me?" he asked. The bird replies "yes".When he asked the birds name the bird told him Clarence. "What idiot would name a bird Clarence?" the burglar asked. "The same idiot who named the family Rottweiler Jesus."the bird replied