Cleaning Jokes / Recent Jokes

I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer, "yes."
He told me to get off my fanny
And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shone the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night.
Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here on my hiney.

Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998
Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards
are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully). The 1998 nominees
are:

NOMINEE No. 1 [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police
described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a
highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and
the other man found Burns "wrapped in more...

There were four blondes sitting on the bank of a river, each with a fishing pole intently concentrating on the task at hand.
A Game Warden drove by and saw the four women fishing and decided to check for the proper fishing licenses and equipment.
He approached the women and told them he needed to check for their fishing licenses and to his surprise, they all replied they did not have one.
However, before the Warden could speak, one of the women spoke up and said, "Mr. Warden, sir, we are not fishing for you normal catch. We are environmentalist ridding the waters of garbage and other debris."
"We are not fishing for fish." said one of the others.
"We have poles, yes," another woman said, "but on the end of our lines we have magnets. The magnets are gathering up metallic debris from the bottom of this river and therefore, were are cleaning the environment."
Stunned, the Game Warden thought for a moment and then asked the more...

Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. "Go and clean out the aquarium" he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. "Throw them to the lions" said the head keeper, "the lions will eat anything". So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lion's cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. "Dont worry" said the head keeper, "just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything". So the young man returns to the ape house and throws the dead animals into the lions cage. Returning again for instructions, he is more...