Cleaning Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sweeping and Mopping the Floors
Have dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all crumbs...(any stubborn spots that require scrubbing recruit cat... may have to add tuna water to spot). If you don't have a dog or cat... well you are in trouble.... go find one roaming the neighbourhood quick!
Vacuuming
Call for demo from salesman. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house... insisting the carpet looks the same... but really is different in all parts of the house. Tips for success: Don't always call same company... keep a chart and rotate.
Dusting
Only do what is at eye level or below. And only right before someone is coming over! Run rag over everything quickly (don't even waste your precious time on the Pledge or Endust... that's minutes away from your computer... and that just is unacceptable!) For the illusion of using those products... spray a few squirts to air like air freshener.
Laundry
First find a good place to hide it! more...

One day a mother was cleaning her son's room, and in the closet she found a S & M magazine. Unsure of how to confront her son, she hid the magazine until his father got home. She showed her husband what she had found while she was cleaning. He looked at the S & M magazine and handed it back to her without a word.She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?" He looked back at her hesitantly and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

it was the day before thanksgiving and the dad was upstairs shaving and he cut himself and said shit and the little boy said what does that mean and the father said its another word for shaving the mom and the dad had an argument the mom said you bitch you bastered and the boy said what does that mean and they said its another word for ladies and jentlemen so the mom was downstairs cleaning the turkey and she cut herself and said fuck the boy said what does that mean its another word for cleaning the turkey and the doorbell rang the little boy said to the guest hello bitches and bastereds my dad is upstairs shaving the shit off his face and moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them more...

The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex? A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.Q: Should I have sex on the first date? A: YES. Before if possible.Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex? A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.Q: How long should the more...

One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage. While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and asks her about the trunk.
She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. He accepts her answer and eventually forgets all about the matter.
Three years later when he is cleaning out the attic, he runs across the trunk and again asks his wife what's in it. She again tells him that it contains only personal things, but this time he is more persistent. So she sits him down and reminds him that she makes him happy when he's feeling down, that she keeps the house meticulously clean, that she
cooks him fantastic meals 7 days a week, and that she gives him all the sex he wants, anytime he wants it. Then she tells him if he is happy with all of those things, that he more...

Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents. Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. You may not catch a fish with your hands. You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth. Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish. Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land. It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to • 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.A special cleaning ordinance bans homemakers from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding. Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop more...