Cleaning Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man had completed medical school. He went back home to the small town to work with his father. They went out the first day to make house calls. As they went in the first house, the father told his son to watch him so he would know what to do. Inside a woman was in the bed and she looked terrible. The old doctor checked her out. He was making notes when he dropped his pen to the floor. He picked it up and told the woman she needed to quit cleaning and working so hard in her house, she just needed rest. When they got outside the son asked how he knew she was cleaning to much. The old doctor said that when he dropped his pen on the floor, it was so clean there wasn`t a speck of dust anywhere. When they arrived at the next house the father told his son it was his turn to play doctor. At this house too, the woman was in bed, looking terrible. The young doctor took her blood pressure and pulse, asked a few questions, made some notes. Then he dropped his pen and reached down to pick more...

Dad to son: when i beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: i start cleaning toilet
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: i clean it with your toothbrush.

a fireman was cleaning the fire engine one day when he noticed a little girl across the street. she was busy cleaning her little red wagon which was fixed to look like a fire engine, ladder and all. the fireman walked across the street to admire the wagon. as he came close he noticed the power source was a large dog with a rope around his neck. he also noticed a cat with a string tied around its balls. the fireman thought this strange, so he said to the little girl," would not it be better to tie that string around the cats neck?". the little girl replied, "well that would be stupid, because what would i use for a siren?".

A drunk is in the bar and crying uncontrollably.
The man beside him asks him what's wrong.
The drunk says, "I forgot what my wife told me, she said if I went out drinking again she'd divorce me and take the kids."
The man says, "Well don't go home yet. It's only 6 p.m. Walk it off"
The drunk replies, "GREAT IDEA!" Then he barfs all over his shirt, and now he is crying even more.
The man says, "Look... you got 20 dollars on you?" The drunk hands him $20. The man puts the bill in the drunk's shirt pocket and says, "When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk stumbled out onto the street, bumped into you and puked on you. And he gave you $20 for the dry cleaning."
The drunk is so happy now and heads home.
When he gets home his wife starts screaming at him. The drunk just says, "Honey I wasn't drinking. A drunk came out of a bar and bumped into me and then he puked all over me, then he put $20 in my more...

I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.

Mom was cleaning the house when she found her son's hidden stash of S&M and sexual bondage magazines.
Naturally, she was very upset and she didn't know what to do. So, she waited until her husband got home to discuss it with him.
After she showed him the magazines, she asked him, "Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"I don't know what to do." he told her. "I really don't think I should give him a spanking for this!"

Take all the chip bags... open them... lick all the chips of their flavor and put them back in the bag...
hide one of their shoes every day for about a week...
Keep your room real messy for a few weeks. Clean it while your roommate is out. Leave before they come back. Arrive after them and then angrily accuse them of cleaning up your room.
Take all of the hair out of their brush and stick it to the wall with scotch tape.
Insist on cleaning their fingernails for them every night.
Crumple empty chip bags the whole time your roommate is home.
Make a shine dedicated to them.
Whistle one line of a song and repeat it for 3 days, then pick a new line.
Play Scottish music 24 hours a day full blast.
Every night at midnight, stick your head out the window and scream "GO AWAY MONSTERS! GO AWAY!" Do this every night for 6 weeks.
Sniff their underwear while they're still wearing it.
Buy fish and a fish tank. Dye the water with food coloring. more...