Client Jokes / Recent Jokes
I was in the airport VIP lounge route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink. I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"Yes?" "I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, and I' m waiting for a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say "Hi Tom?" "Sure." I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business. A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. "Hi, Tom," he said. I replied, "Shut up, more...
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defenses closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!" He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But more...
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a
parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated
back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply: “Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you
prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
“Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles more...
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara."
The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France."
The man pauses more...
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes to a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; "Don't reject the guy outright." So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara." The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I buy. I buy." Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine county in France." The man pauses for awhile. He whips more...
One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I`d give $250. 00 to spend the night with that woman."
Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I`ll take you up on that offer."
She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.
The following morning the man presented her with $125. 00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don`t give me the other $125. 00, I`ll sue you for it."
He laughed, saying, "I`d like to see you get it on these grounds." Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a more...
A computer manufacture called some of their clients to ask about how much they are satisfied with their computer.
Company: Hi, I'm calling from U Computer, you have recently purchased a computer from us.
Client: Oh Yeah.
Company: Are you satisfied with your computer?
Client: Yes, but I don't know why this computer came with a coffee cup holder and after many use it's not working.
Company: Odd, we don't sell computer with a computer with a coffee cup holder.
Client: Hmm... Yes, there is. It is labeled CD-writer and there is a little button when I press it, a tray comes out and I put the cup on it.
Computer: Sir, it is a compact disc player and writer. It is used for Audio CDs, Software CDs, but not for using it as a cup holder.
Client: Oh, so that's why it broke! Thank you. Bye.