Clinton Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?
A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus.

Q: What does Hilary Clinton do every morning after she washes and shaves her pussy?
A: Puts a tie on him and sends him to work.

Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies. If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO! It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense. Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10, 000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents. The Clintons charge the Federal government $10, 000 monthly rent for the use of that extra more...

One morning Bill Clinton looked out of the Oval Office window and noticed someone had urinated "BILL SUCKS" in the snow. Furious, he ordered the FBI to take handwriting and urine samples from everyone in the White House and find the culprit immediately.
A few days later, the FBI Director called Bill and said, "Mr. President, I have good news and bad news. The good news is the urine belongs to Al Gore."
"And the bad news?" Clinton demanded.
The Director paused for a moment and replied, "Sir, the handwriting is Hillary's!"

One day, God sent three politicians, Clinton, Ghandi and Mahatir to Heaven by mistake. So he told them,' I've sent the three of you here too early. You aren't suppose to die yet. Therefore, I'm going to send you back down and before that, you can ask me a question that you want to know about.' So, Clinton asked' When is America going to become big and busy and rich?' God answered,' Another 50 years.' Clinton wept and threw a tantrum. God asked him his reason for his behavior and Clinton said,' I'm afraid I don't have that long a life to see that.' Next, Ghandi asked,' When is India going to be big and busy and rich?' God answered,' Another 100 years.' Ghandi reacted as Clinton did and gave the same reason for acting that way. Lastly, Mahatir asked,' When is Malaysia going to be big and busy and rich?' This time, God wept.

One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office.
He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!"
Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies.
"I'll take those mirrors out right away!"

Cindy Crawford:
"Well... Looks aren't everything."
Yassar Arafat:
"Discrimination? I'll give you discrimination! Israel has over 5 million Jews; we don't have any."
Madonna:
"I didn't have a bit of trouble with the singing in the movie, but they did have to dub in most of the acting."
Mayor Smoke (Baltimore):
"There are so many muggers around that you can't walk 5 blocks without leaving the scene of a crime."
William Clinton:
"Any President who lies to the American people should resign." (Oh wait! He did say that - never mind)
Steven Spielberg:
"I just finished my new horror film. It's so bloody, it's sure to get a 'Type A' rating."
Kenneth Starr:
"I only look at the newspapers every other day. That way, I don't have to read any of the denials."
Boris Yeltsin:
"I never worry about waking up to a revolution. If I wake up, there's no more...