Clipboard Jokes

Margaret Thatcher dies and strolls up the pearly staircase to the pearly gates,
where she is confronted by St. Peter, brandishing a clipboard. "Name," says St.
Peter.
"Margaret Thatcher," she replies.
St. Peter checks through all the lists on his clipboard but cannot find the name
of the former British leader. "I am sorry," he says, "you cannot come in. Your
place is downstairs, in Hell. Mrs. Thatcher turns and walks down the stairs.
A short time later the phone rings. St. Peter answers, and a voice says, "Hello
Peter, it is the Devil speaking. You will have to take that bloody woman after
all - she is only been here for ten minutes and she has closed half the furnaces
to reduce capacity."

Best read with a Japanese accent: Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese delivery man is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling, "You sign, you sign!" The bewildered president will do no such thing and slams the door. The next day, the man is back, waving a clipboard under the great man's nose, gesturing to a truckload of brake pads and insisting, "You sign, you sign!" Nelson gets rid of the man again, but next day he's back with two truckloads of car parts, once again insisting that the president sign for the goods. Mandela loses his temper and yells, "Look, I don't want these. Do you understand? You have the wrong person." Puzzled, the Japanese man consults his clipboard and asks, "Ah soh. You not Nissan Maindealer?"

A man dressed in a suit comes up to the front porch of house juggling a clipboard, some papers, and a briefcase. He knocks on the door and it's answered by a middle-aged man.

"Mornin' stranger, what can I do for ya?"

"Well sir, I represent Smith, Henry and Hamilton. We're paid by private companies to canvas thousands of consumers like yourself for feedback on their products. Today we're soliciting comments on Vaseline petroleum jelly. Would you have time to answer just a few questions?"

"I don't see how a couple of questions could hurt. Fire away, young man."

Looking down at his clipboard, the survey-taker asks, "Okay...first, you do use Vaseline, correct?".

"Yessir, for as long as I can remember."

"Great, now what exactly do you use it for?" asks the survey-taker with his pen poised over his clipboard, ready to record the answer.

"Let's more...

Margaret Thatcher dies and strolls up the pearly staircase to the pearly
gates, where she is confronted by St. Peter, brandishing a clipboard.
"Name" says St. Peter.
"Margaret Thatcher" she replies.
Peter checks through all the lists on his clipboard but cannot find the
name of our illustrious leader.
"I'm sorry" he says,"you can't come in. Your place is downstairs, in hell.
Mrs T. turns and walks down the stairs.
A short time later the phone rings. St. Peter answers it and a voice says:
"Hello Pete, It's the Devil speaking. You'll have to take that bloody woman
after all - she's only been here 10 minutes and she's closed half the
furnaces to reduce capacity"

Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, and behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.
"You sign, you sign," yells the Chinese.
Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has got the wrong bloke.
Next day Nelson is watching a film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.
"You Sign, You Sign," screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.
"Look you Twat," snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke again."
Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading a magazine, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts.
The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson, "You sign, you more...