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ZIPPERGATE IN MOVIE TITLES PG 13
Subject: Executive Decision, True Lies, Beauty and the Beast,. ...

**Disclaimer: The following story, though based on a true story contains altered or questionable facts and statements. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent, if in fact there are any. **

This is The Never Ending Story of a 9 To 5, Working Girl, and The American President. The latter of whom offered the former an Indecent Proposal. It seems this Top Gun was Addicted To Love, to Youngblood. He had a Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, for this Pretty Woman, this Babe. He liked to Kiss The Girls, and liked Boys On The Side.... but that's Oliver's Story.

Casual Sex? No, she saw Career Opportunities, The Sure Thing. She had Great Expectations.

It was to be a Close Encounter Of The Third Kind, a Mission Impossible. We're talking Risky Business, Dangerous Ground. Till now she'd played The Saint, but this would be Unforgiven, more...

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"To that the man asks, "Anything??"And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"With that, the man says, "Follow me."He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."She does.He then says, "Get on your knees."She does.He then says, "Take down my zipper."She does.He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"

Tact is the ability to close your mouth before somebody else wants to.

SAVE THE BOGAN (maximumus tightblackjeanus withmulletus)

First identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra's outer suburbs) and the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney). It is believed the initial Perth bogan population was introduced to purpose-built habitats such as Rockingham and Balga. However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Gosnells and outer-Mirrabooka. While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from the early O90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Central Perth, and those remaining clinging to the region's outskirts.

In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered. Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a "mullet" more...

Why did the electrician close early on Mondays? Because business was very light.

This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying

"If you catch me, I'm yours."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he's about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.

"Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I more...

Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant? (Stup-pid, fuul, idyut!)
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: Why did more...