Closet Jokes / Recent Jokes
Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him. Some people claim they were shouting,"Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" Others claim it was "Score! Score! Score!"But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, "Drop the chalupa!"
A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the apartment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room, naked. Wife yells, "Help, help, I am having a heart attack."
The husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says, "Daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet."
The husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, God damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids!"
I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.
A man and a woman are having an affair.
One day, the woman's husband comes home early from work. To avoid being caught, the cheating man runs over to hide in the closet. As he closes the door he hears a little voice say, "It's dark in here." This startles the man, and he looks down to see the woman's son. He then asks, "You're not going to say anything, right kid?" The boy says, "You know, I could really use a new baseball glove," to which the man replies, "Ok, ok here's $25 if you keep quiet." "You got a deal mister," the boy says, and he leaves the closet.
The next week, the woman's husband comes home again. As the cheater goes into a closet, he hears a voice say, "It's dark in here". The man says "What are you doing in here again kid?" The boy tells him, "I could really use a new baseball bat," and the man grumbles, "Yeah, ok, here's $50, now leave me alone."
After a few weeks of more...
Q: What do you call 5 lesbians in a closet?
A: A licker cabinet...
An English woman, while in Switzerland, looked at several rooms in a large apartment house. She told
the schoolmaster who owned the house that she would let him know about renting one of the rooms
later. However, after she arrived back at her hotel, the thought occurred to her that she had not
asked about the water closet (bathroom). She immediately wrote a note to the schoolmaster asking
about the "W. C., "being too bashful to write out the words "water closet." The Swiss schoolmaster,
who was far from being an expert in English, did not know what the initials "W. C." meant. He asked
the parish priest, and together they decided that it meant Wayside Chapel. The schoolmaster then wrote
the following letter to the very surprised woman.
Dear Madame,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the W. C. is located seven miles from the house
in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. It is capable of more...
A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."
The bartender pours the drink but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"
The man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next-door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me. I thought, 'Wow, this has never happened before.' You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, I feel this hand moving around in my lap and the blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm interested. I couldn't believe this was happening. I managed to nod my head yes, so she grabs my hand and starts walking out of more...