Club Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bob, an extremely wealthy 60-year-old, arrives at a country club with a beautiful and charming 25-year-old blonde.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob exclaims, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
His friends are shocked, but continue to ask, "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob replies, "I lied about my age."
His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 40?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
Frank is a hard worker, puts in a lot of overtime and spends most of his evenings bowling or working out at the gym. His wife, Susan, feels he is pushing himself too hard so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Frank, how ya doing tonight?" Susan is puzzled and asks Frank if he's been to the club before. "No, honey," Frank replies, "He's just a guy that works out at the same gym I go to."
When they are seated, a waitress approaches and asks Frank if he'd like his usual scotch. Susan, now becoming uncomfortable, says, "You must come here often for her to know that you drink scotch."
"No, she's in the Ladies Bowling League and we share lanes with them," Frank explains.
Just then, a stripper comes over to their table, throws her arms around Frank and says, "Hi, gorgeous, want your usual table dance?"
Now furious, Susan grabs her purse and more...
Audrey Greyson was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief Audrey got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Audrey loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn't want to hear them.
To teach Audrey a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they'd just get up, walk out, and meet at another home but without Audrey.
Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, Audrey started, "You know, girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say..." Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.
Audrey was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she understood what was going on and said, "Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There's plenty of time because the bus more...
For a gift this year a guy's wife purchased him a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when he was on the varsity chess team in high school, he decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. He called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. His wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic he was to get started. Here is his story of how the week went.
DAY 1.
They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her added about ten more...
Las Vegas means "the meadows" in Spanish.
In Nevada, there are more than 209,000 slot machines normally operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
The first neon sign appeared in Las Vegas in 1954 at the Boulder Club.
The bell is the oldest symbol still used on today's slot machines.
The average annual temperature in Las Vegas is 66 degrees.
It would take 288 years for one person to spend one night in every hotel room in Las Vegas.
Shrimp consumption in Las Vegas is more than 60,000 pounds a day. That's higher than the rest of the country combined and adds up to 22 million pounds per year.
The Stardust was the first hotel in Vegas to add a sports book to its casino.
Nickel slots on the Strip pay back anywhere from 86.9 percent to 92.8 percent of what they take in.
Las Vegas casinos never use dice with rounded corners.
It's estimated that every day Las Vegas casinos more...
Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him? -To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail
Blokes and golfers need to read this! It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she more...