Clyde Jokes

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
118. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore, Murray."

Poor Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.
Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Clem looked and said "Nope, ain't Clyde." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Zeke to identify the body and Zeke took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Zeke looked down and said "No, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician asked "How can you tell?" Zeke said, "Well, Clyde had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician. Zeke said, "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Here comes Clyde with them two assholes."

A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.

Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him."

So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over."
So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes."
"What!?" The disbelieving more...

Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
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Teacher: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
Glen: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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Teacher: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Simon: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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Teacher: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Clyde: No, teacher, it's the same dog.
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Teacher: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Harold: A teacher

A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for. Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him." So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde." The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over." So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde." Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes." "What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO assholes?" "Yup, that's more...