Coat Jokes / Recent Jokes
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."
The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."
"Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
"Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls more...
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the bartender. "You've had too much already."
The drunk spies a dart board behind the bar. "Tell you what," he says. "If I can throw three bull's eyes with that dart set would you let me have the drink?"
"Sure," says the bartender, thinking the guy would leave after the little game. He hands the drunk three darts. "Look out, everybody!" Zot, zot, zot. The drunk thr
throws three quick bull's eyes. Well, the bartender had never seen anything like that before, but he has to make good on the wager, so he makes a martini and sets it before the drunk. He then puts a napkin next to the drink and sets a turtle on it.
"What's this," says the drunk.
"That's a prize for such fine more...
A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on."
The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?"
The husband replies, "No - I'm turning the heating off.
A man is walking buy a shop which has a sign in the window reading "WE SELL ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING".
The man decides to put the shop to the test. He thinks of the most absurd thing possible. He enters the shop, and asks the shopkeeper, "Can I have a waist coat for a Chicken, please".
The shopkeeper thinks for a moment, and then goes into the back room. He returns after a few seconds and hands the man a condom.
The man says "That's not a waist coat for a chicken!"
To which the shopkeeper replies, "No sir, but it's the closest we've got - A PULLOVER FOR A COCK"
A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. ''Show the lady your finest mink!'' the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier discreetly whispers to the man, ''Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.''
''No problem! I'll write you a check!''
''Very good, sir.'' says the shop owner. ''Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared.''
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged, ''How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!''
''I just had to come by,'' grinned the guy, ''to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!''
once a blonde wanted to prove to her husband that blondes are smart.so she dicided to paint the house.when her husband comes home he aasked"why are you wearing your ski coat and your fur coat"she says"i looked @ the back of the paint can and it said for best results put on two coats"