Coat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Leo and Sam exited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition.

Realizing the mistake, Leo asked, "Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it."

"No, that won't work" answered Sam. "People will think we're trying to break in."

Then Leo suggested, "What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?"

"No," said Sam. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger."

"Well," sighed Leo, "we'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"

The madam of a bawdy house answered the ring of the bell and, on opening the door, she found standing there on the threshold, an ancient, bearded gentleman in rabbi's garb.
"May I come in?" asked the rabbi gently in an aged, quavering voice.
Feeling a little confused, the madam said, "But rabbi, surely you must be in the wrong place. Here is where we-"
"I know what you do here," interrupted the rabbi. "you don't think I came here for chopped liver, do you? Bring on the girls."
Still confused, but understanding her professional duties, the madam had several girls line up. The rabbi tottered from one to another until he reached Rose, a large redhead with enormous breasts. He looked at her with appreciation and pointed,
"Good! I'll take those."
The rabbi paid out the necessary sum and Rosie led him upstairs. She helped him off with his coat and hung it up carefully on the nail on the door. Then she helped him off more...

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed. The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have? Someone else's coat.

One day, a young boy heard his parents having an argument. While they were arguing, the boy heard his mom call his dad a bastard, and his dad call his mom a bitch. After they were done, he asked his mom what a bastard was and she replied by saying it was a boy. He then asked his dad what a bitch was and he replied that it was a girl.
That night, the boy heard them having sex and also heard them say tit and dick. The next day, which happened to be Thanksgiving, he asked his dad what a tit was and his father said it was a hat. Then he asked his mom what a dick was and she said it was a coat.
A short time later, when he entered the kitchen, his mother was stuffing the turkey, cut her finger and said, "Fuck!" So, the boy asked what fuck was and the mother said, "It's what I'm doing to this turkey."
Then, he was watching his father shave his beard. His father cut himself and said, "Shit!" The boy asked his father what shit was and the father more...

Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom’s. Explain to the tux shop what you’re up to. Pick up the groom’s fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don’t reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

Write on the bottom of shoes
Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom’s left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of more...

It is not the fine coat that makes the gentleman. Thomas Fuller