Coat Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.
The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count to fifty before saying anything important, and to one hundred if it was very important. The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: "Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire, sir!"
A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. "HA!" he snorted. "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!" On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, "There! I have hair on my chest, now buy me the damn coat!" "That's not your chest!" he roars back. "Damn right it's my chest!" she argued. "Before we got married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest. Afterwards it became our family chest.... AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT... IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"
woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication for her daughter.When returning to her car she found that she had locked herkeys in the car. She was in a hurry to get home to her sick daughter.She didn`t know what to do, so she called her home and told the baby sitter what had happened and that she did not know what to do. The baby sitter told her that her daughter was getting worse.She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car.Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don`t know how to use this."So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was more...
Years ago, I was taking an algebra class over the summer,
and had a teacher who liked to reminisce about his past with funny stories.
He relates that he had been a math teacher in the Air Force, where it was
his duty to force sleepy young recruits to stay awake for an hour of math
at 8:00 in the morning in a large, warm, dimly-lit auditorium. One day,
he came into the auditorium and saw his class even sleepier and less attentive
than usual. He realized that something drastic would have to be done.
Now this classroom was very old, and the blackboards, which had been nailed on
to the walls with old black iron nails, had become loose over the years. As
a result, these black nails jutted almost invisibly from the blackboard and
this teacher kept banging his hands on them while erasing the board. He decided
to put them to good use.
With enough of a flourish to guarantee the class's attention, he went to the
front of the room, near one more...
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
A technique perfected by a playboy friend of ours is so unique it deserves a telling.
Quite recently, he had been having difficulty persuading a lovely but stubborn young lady to part with her Victorian moral principles. He tried soft words and soft music; he tried the caveman approach; he tried strong drink. She resisted all these devices. Finally, one Saturday afternoon, he escorted her to an extremely fashionable furrier where he asked to see a collection of their finest mink coats. From these he permitted the girlfriend to choose one costing a cool ten grand.
"I assume you will accept my check," said our friend in a matter-of-fact manner.
The furrier explained that, being Saturday afternoon, the banks were closed and they would be unable to verify his credit until the following Monday. The playboy smiled. "I understand," he said. "Suppose we leave the coat here-I'll drop by Monday and pick it up. Here is my check."
Monday morning more...