Coffee Jokes / Recent Jokes

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

New Miracle Diet!
Flabby people are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke (the all-meat diet).
Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Or is there a slim hope?
Such is the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason.
After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught parents, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your more...

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,"I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered andshaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a bigkiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, andthere sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. SoI got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and theywill sing' Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoyingmy coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going tomiss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smileand a more...

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

They hadn't been married very long until the husband realized his wife wasn't very interested in having sex.
He checked with his doctor to see if he could come up with something to really turn her on. He gave him a small vial of liquid and said, "Put a few drops of this into her coffee in the evening and by midnight she is really going to want you."
After dinner
that evening, she went into the kitchen for a few minutes and he put a few drops into her coffee. "Might as well put some in mine too," he thought to himself.
Later, they went to bed and at precisely midnight his wife sat straight up in bed and screamed, "I want a man!"
Whereupon her husband sat up and screamed, "I do too!"

Q: Why should you never let a blonde take a coffee break?A: It's too hard to re-train them.

Once my cousin, who was expecting her second child, was advising her son Raju to be a good boy and drink his glass of milk. But Raju insisted on taking tea. When repeated efforts failed, his mother tried to cajole him and asked,' Raju, would you like me to give you a brother or a sister?'
'I would like to have a sister,' replied Raju.
'If you want to have a sister, you better drink your milk. If you take tea, you will get a brother.'
'Mummy, what would I get if I take coffee?' asked Raju.