Cold Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: Sits around a candle Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: Lights it

Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren't hot.

Olie replied, "We come from Minnesota where it's always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us." This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. "You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it's very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us."

The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on. The more...

When I'm born, I'm black. When I'm sick, I'm black. When I'm hot, I'm black. When I'm cold, I'm black, When I die, I'm black.When you're born, you're pink. When you're sick, you're green. When you're hot, you're red. When you're cold, you're blue. When you die, you're grey.And you call me coloured?

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping
done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season
right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my
car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. I noticed that I was missing a
receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my
steps to the shopping centre entrance.
As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet
sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.
He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel
shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.
Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred pound note in his hand. Thinking that he
had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad
story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and more...

One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was athermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hotand cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it towork one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said whatis that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said. What doesit do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you havein it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it. Sent by Tom

There was a blonde who met up with her friend in the grocery store. She asked her friend what she was buying and her friend replied, its a thermus. Whats a thermus the blonde asked. Well, her friend answered it keeps hot hings hot and cold things cold.
The blonde went home with her thermus she bought and innvited her friend to come over. I love my thermus the blonde told her friend. Im using it right now. Really, answered her friend, whats in it?
Right now I have a cup of hot chocolate and two popicles!

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden more...