Cold Jokes / Recent Jokes
Santa goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." Santa then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." Santa says, "I ll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It s a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"Santa replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
From: jaffo@onramp. net (Jaffo)
Newsgroups: alt. politics. jaffo,[...]
Subject: Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist!
Keywords: hat tree brick rock wink prostate Dole corrugated firm bouncy happy cat woof cobble freak hectare moo
In alt. politics. jaffo, on 16 Dec 1996 13: 04: 09 -0700, you wrote:
: The second one. Nail those toon bastards to the wall. They're all: Communists you know. Ever notice why Bart and Lisa Simpson both are: always wearing RED? ALWAYS?
Which brings me to my annual Christmas rant.
AHEM.
I have a little quiz. Not a quiz, really, in fact this is Jaffo's Annual Christmas Communist Checklist.
Wears red.
Wears conspicuous cold weather clothing. (Gets mighty cold in SIBERIA!)
Infiltrates the homes of hard-working Americans.
Favors the redistribution of wealth in the form of colorfully-wrapped presents.
Distributes COMMUNIST propaganda, teaching our children that if they just more...
Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai
WHY?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, why is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
If you send someone' Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
If the temperature is zero more...
David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the
> kitchen
> department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks.
>
> "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks
> Becks.
> The
> assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
>
> Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next
> training
> session.
>
> "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos
> flask."
> The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot
> things
> hot and cold things cold,"says David.
>
> "And what have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane.
>
> "Two cups of coffee and a choc ice," replies David.
A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, its only $1 a share." "Buy me 1000 shares." said the client. The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares." The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4. The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10, 000 more shares said the client." "Great!" said the broker. The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9. Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!" The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."