Cold Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top 15 Good Things About a Cold Winter... The melodious clanging Anna Nicole Smith's breasts make when she walks. BATF calls off its siege of your heavily fortified compound when agents run out of hot cocoa. Much easier to locate nipples during foreplay. Finally, a chance to say, "Yeah, but it's a dry cold." Natural refrigeration keeps vagrants crisp and fresh until Spring. You can chill your malt liquor on the window ledge at work. Joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid your self of those troublesome extremities. No news clips of the President jogging for at least 8 more weeks. Watching O. J. enviously eye everyone else's toasty-warm glove-clad hands. Flashers stick to describing themselves. Spouse temporarily stops using back seat of car for elicit affairs. When it's 10 below, nobody gives a rat's ass whether Internet Explorer is better than Netscape. With multiple layers, people with buns of steel look exactly like people with buns of cinnamon. The shivering just makes more...
NATIONAL FLOWER: Bunga Raya (Hibiscus). NATIONAL CAR: Proton. 2nd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Kancil. 3rd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Tikus it's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil, but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers. NATIONAL BEHAVIOR AT CAR SHOWROOMS: First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid..." After that approach the front left tire, give it a few hard kicks to "test" the tire. Next walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a few times, while exclaiming "wah, asorbar not bad". Now you are ready for a "test drive" Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the seats, open up every compartment etc. Do all these tests while you're pretending to read the more...
Science definitions from Kids...
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton more...
It's so cold here, the lawyers have there hands in their own pockets!
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good, either.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stands in the draft. "But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician, "I can cure pneumonia."
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do' practice'?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do scientists call it' re'search when looking for something new?
If vegetable oil's made of vegetables, and olive oil's made of olives. .. what is baby oil made of?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
A drunk stumbles out of a bar and he makes his way into the cemetery behind the tavern. He walks right to the edge of a freshly dug grave, loses his balance and falls in.
There's a puddle of water in the hole, and he spends the rest of the night yelling, "Help me, I'm cold! Someone help me, I'm cold!"
At closing time, another drunk walks behind the bar and hears the noise.
He gets to the open grave, looks down and says, "Of course you're cold, you idiot, you kicked all the dirt off yourself!"