Collar Jokes / Recent Jokes
Submitted by Jim Porter
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck? Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn? t know how? Well, now you can!
Just follow these instructions. Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That? s all you will need to start!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) You are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2, 000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching pocket square and suspenders, a starched white shirt, monogrammed cufflinks, silver tiepin and a Rolex as you read this. FIRST, untie and remove fancy shoes. Peel off socks. DO THIS NOW! Be more...
When I was a church custodian, thene Pastor that was my boss, would have me help before, during and after weddings. He was an older Priest, but he was ahead of his time. He walked up & down the isles while preaching (years before it was an order) and he even had a shirt collar microphone 3years before any other Pastor!
Immediately after a wedding, the Bride & Groom would walk out of the church and stand outside, at the main doors of the church, and accept the well-wishes of the people who attended the wedding (ie a "recieving line").
Meanwhile I would be in the church, quickly gathering up the white runner (from the center isle) and straightening up the Alter area & would put all the large and small Alter chairs back against the Alter walls, so they wedding party could return to the Alter for the "Wedding photo shoot" (after the attendees went to the Reception Hall).
Meanwhile my boss, The Pastor, would collect up the wedding items, Holy Water and etc., more...
A Jewish boy was sent to a Catholic school by his folks. Of course, he had no idea of who Jesus, Joseph, or Mary were, and on the first day of school, he got punished by the teacher for not knowing such basic things.
Hearing upon his story, his mother soothed him, and said, "Don't worry, son. I'll sew the answers to those questions on your collar, and every time your teacher asks you a question, all you have to do is to peek at your collar."
And so she sewed the answers on her son's collar.
The following day, the teacher came up to him, and asked him, "Who is the Holy Virgin?"
The boy peeked at his collar and replied, "Mary."
The teacher seemed a little bit surprised, but continued on. "And who is her husband?" After another peek at the collar, he replied, "Joseph."
"Why, very good son," the teacher commented.
"And for the last one," said the teacher. "Who is their son?"
The more...
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside just hollering to get out?
Well, now you CAN be a redneck!
You will only have to purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That's all you will need to start!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) You are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive with an important professional job; therefore, as you read this, it is assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching pocket square and suspenders, a starched white shirt, monogrammed cufflinks, silver tiepin and a Rolex.
FIRST, untie and remove more...
New from MATTEL: Administrative Barbie: Works twelve hour days for little pay (70% of Admin Ken's salary), and is the lowest on the totem pole despite being the one that actually runs the group. Comes with mini laptop and directions for the coffee machine. Pull the string on her back and she'll schedule a meeting with your other dolls, replace the toner cartridge in the laser printer, coordinate a re-org and a move, and order airline tickets for Admin Ken.
Temp Barbie: This smartly dressed, intelligent, hard-working and enthusiastic Barbie is ready to go right out of the box, but usually goes untouched for at least a day while everyone tries to figure out why they bought her. Pull the string on her back and she'll stuff envelopes indefinitely, all the while wondering why she got a liberal arts degree. Comes with mini resume and mini filing cabinet filled with the past five years worth of US Tax Code revisions which need to be collated.
Sister Mary Barbie: This more...