Collateral Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?"

"Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man.

"What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

"Don't know of collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"I don't know; it has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he more...

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, “What are you going to do with the money? ” “Take jewelry to city and sell it, ” said the old man. “What have you got for collateral? ” queried the banker, going strictly by the book. “Don’t know of collateral. ” “Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles? ” “Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup. ” The banker shook his head, “How about livestock? ” “Yes, I have a horse. ” “How old is it? ” “I don’t know; it has no teeth. ” Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here’s the money to pay loan, ” he said, handing the entire amount including interest. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money? ” “Put it in my pocket. ” “Why don’t you deposit more...

One day, a little frog was sitting in his pond looking around at home. He decided that it just wasn't as nice as he knew it could be and he decided to remodel to raise the value of his property and to live more comfortably. He called the local forest contractor and got an estimate for $5000. The little frog only had $2500 saved up so he decided to go to a bank to apply for a loan for the rest of the money. When he got to the bank, he hopped over to one of the tellers and said, "good morning, I would like to apply for a loan" the teller looked at the little frog and said, "you have to go speak to our loan specialist, Ms. Patty Mac, third office on your left". So the little frog hopped into Ms. Mac's office and jumped on to the desk and said, "good morning, I would like to apply for a loan". Patty looked at the little frog and said, "What will you be putting up as collateral?" The little frog was confused, not knowing what collateral was so Ms. more...

The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?"
"Take jewellery to city and sell it," was the response.
"What have you got for collateral?"
"Don't know collateral."
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"
"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."
The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"
"Yes, I have a horse."
"How old is it?"
"Don't know, has no teeth."
Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.
Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Put in tepee."
"Why don't more...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250, 000 Rolls as collateral against a $5, 000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5, 000 and the interest, which comes to $15. 41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to, have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked more...

A frog walks into his local bank and walks up to the counter." I would like a loan of £30, 000 please." he asks the clerk, whose name is Patrick Whack. "Thirty thousand pounds? That's a lot of money, you know." says Paddy, "You'll need a collateral for that amount of money." "That's okay," says the frog, "I have this." And he pulls out of his pocket a tiny pink ceramic elephant. "What's this? I can't accept this as collateral." "Don't worry," says the frog, "I know the manager, he's a good friend of mine. Tell him his friend Kermit Jagger is here." Paddy gets up from his chair and goes to the manager's office, taking the little pink elephant with him. He shows it to the manager and says "There's a frog out there says he knows you, his name is Kermit Jagger. He want to borrow £30, 000... he gave this as collateral... what on earth is it?" The manager takes the little elephant, studies it for a more...

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Authority) loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

The lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note more...