College Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?"
"To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts. He communicates really well, and I just act as if I'm listening."

Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the contractor, through the second floor of her new house to show him what colors to paint the rooms. "Id like the bathroom done in white!" Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, "Green up! Green up!" "I want the bedroom in blue!" continued the woman. The contractor listened and yelled out the window, "Green up! Green up!" "The halls should be done in beige!" she instructed. Again, the man barked out the window, "Green up! Green up!" "Will you stop that?!" shouted the woman. "Every time I give you a color, all you do is shout Green up! What the devil does that mean?" Tm real sorry, maam!" explained Corbett. "But I got three Oklahoma basketball players down there tryin to put in the front lawn!"

There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replyed, and its for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hittin on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesnt have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So more...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade.
When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college, but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters.
Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love.
She became annoyed, as she now had a new boyfriend, and she wanted to get him off her back, so she took a Polaroid picture of her having sex with her new boyfriend and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note more...

A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the hay crop to fertilize it. The kid says, "Hey, Pop - I learned in college that there is an easier way to do everything." They go into town and get some dynamite. They're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the manure into the hay field. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. Ba-Booom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop! She lands in the hay field. They go running up to her. "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you alright? Are you alright?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Phew! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!"

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he arrived at classroom, he saw ten rods with platforms with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the angrier he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?!" With that, the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.
The professor was more...