College Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know you're out of college when...
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00 am is not early.
9. You have to file your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass".
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15 . "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather more...

You know you're out of college when...1. Your salary is less than your tuition.2. Your potted plants stay alive.3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.8. 8:00 am is not early.9. You have to file your own taxes.10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.11. You're not carded anymore.12. You carry an umbrella.13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for "jackass".14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15 . "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up.17. You start watching the weather channel.18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.19. You can more...

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students

George W. Bush was talking to some of his advisors, and they were discussing spin control on his past drug problems.

"Dubya," said his PR guy, "We've got to know, are the rumors true about your using cocaine in college."

"It's true," replied Bush, "but it isn't my fault. My parents were rich, and I was born with a silver spoon in my nose."

You Think that McDonald's/Burger King is "real food".

Know more than 5 uses for milk crates.

Can give a guided tour to anyone after 2 weeks!

Call home and think it's a wrong number.

Call your best friend's house and think it's the right number to your house!

Can sing your school's fight song after only one weekend!

Think that going to the mall is a special trip.

Start doing homework!

Have conversations about homework!

Know your roomie's life like it was your own.

Ask your girlfriend "out" to the campus restaurant.

Stay in the dorm for weekends.

Call your dorm room "home".

Have a list of carbon copies as long as I do for one piece of E-Mail!

Start thinking that the only people left on earth are the people who go to your college/university.

Can recommend web sites to your more...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college, but, the girl was accepted to a college on the East Coast, and the guy went to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and to spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around.

He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her more...

3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon more...