College Jokes / Recent Jokes
Submitted by Peggie
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.
"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18, 000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1, 000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1. 5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, 1949
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with thebest people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." -- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957.
"But what... is it good for?" -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." -- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." more...
“What’s the usual tip? ” a man growled when, Jason, a college student delivered his pizza. “Well, ” Jason replied, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great. ” “Is that so? ” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars. ” “Thanks, ” Jason said, “I’ll put it in my college fund. ” “By the way, what are you studying? ” inquired the man. Jason replied, “Applied psychology. ”
There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, “Hey, you look familiar. Are you from around here? ”
The man answers, “Yeah, I live down the street. ”
“No kidding? ” says the first man, “Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school? ”
“Oh I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in ‘66. How ’bout you? ”
“Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in ‘66, too. Where’d you go to college? ”
“Baylor, in Texas. ”
“No way! I went to Baylor too. What dorm? ”
“Kevin Sullivan dorm. ”
“Sullivan? You’re not going to believe this. . . ”
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, “Joe, you won’t believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn’t that amazing? more...
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts... In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She wasdirectionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.. After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.. Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..
A college graduate applies for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he is given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor. As soon as the young man is alone, he steps into an empty hallway and opens the packet. Inside, a message reads: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor."
You can lead a boy to college but you can't make him think.
A well-endowed university student was always being teased by her sorority sisters for being a size 36DD.
One night, at a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink.
"I'll have a diet soda, please," she replied.
"Oh, you must be the double D," he said.
Furious, the girl wondered which one of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information.
"And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped.
Confused by her angry response, the man stammered, "You know, the designated driver."