Command Jokes / Recent Jokes
IN THE BEGINNING [author unknown]
(To justify God’s ways to the 21st century.)
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
: Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
: God
#Enter password.
: Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
: Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
: Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create light
#Done
: Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12: 02: 00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: $92. 50.
#And God logged on at 12: 01: 00 AM, Monday, March 2.
: Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
: Create firmament
#Done.
: Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 more...
In a far away middle eastern country, a brigade of American soldiers were stationed at a camp, outside of town. A new brigade commander comes over to take up command after the earlier one retires.
He asks the sargeant to take him around the camp, so he can familiarise himself. They go all around the camp and comes to closed shed. The commander inquires what's inside. The sergeant says there is a camel inside.
When the commander asks why the sergeant hesitates a bit and goes in to an explanation with a embarrassed face, "Well sir our men are far away from their wives and girlfriends, so when they don't do it for a long time it can get very frustrating, so we use the camel to.."
The commander bursts out furiously "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard, I command you to halt this immediately. We are a fighting unit, not a bunch of wild animals!" he yells and walks away steaming. Time goes by and the commander starts feeling more...
Top 50+ Geek T-Shirt slogans
1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extrememly large values of
2.
5. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
6. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
8. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
9. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
10. Bad Command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
19. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
20. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
21. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
22. Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups.
23. E Pluribus Modem
24. >... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
25. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the more...
Top 50+ Geek T-Shirt slogans
1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extrememly large values of
2.
5. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
6. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
8. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
9. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
10. <
The information went data way---
11. Best file compression around: "DEL . " = 100% compression
12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
14. The name is Baud... James Baud.
15. BUFFERS FILES_ 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
16. Access denied
Top 50+ Geek T-Shirt slogans1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extrememly large values of2.5. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.6. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.8. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN9. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL10. <
The information went data way---11. Best file compression around: "DEL . " = 100% compression12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding14. The name is Baud... James Baud.15. BUFFERS FILES_ 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied
The Technologically Challenged Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there'sstill hope: 1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies. 5. A Dell more...