Compact Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar.""Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one."You dumbass - that's ME!

Two blondes, Carol and Sandi, were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar."
Sandi said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact. Sandi looked in the mirror and said, "DUH, you idiot, it's me!"

There was this Filipino who had a very big truck. One day, he went to a coliseum to see a baseball game. All the parking spaces were taken except one which said "COMPACT". He backed up to park in it, then a police officer came up to him and asked, "Sir, what are you doing?" He replied, "I'm parking here." The officer said, "Sir, you cannot park here it is a "COMPACT". So, the guy left and came back, then he went to the same parking space to park. The officer is like "what are you doing sir? I told you it was compact!" The guy said, "I know I did what you said I "COMPACT" I left and "COMPACT".

WOMEN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse. Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll more...

Seven Degrees Of Blonde
ONE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Thewife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." the second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. more...

Three men died and went to heaven. Upon their arrival, St. Peter asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. St. Peter told him that he could receive only a compact car to drive in heaven.

Then St. Peter asked the second man if he had been faithful to his wife and the man admitted to one affair. St. Peter told him he would be given a midsize car to drive.

The third man was asked about his faithfulness, and he told St. Peter he had been true to his wife until the day he died. St. Peter praised him and gave him a luxury car.

A week later, the three men were driving around and they all stopped at a red light. The men in thee compact and midsize cars turned to see the man in the luxury car crying. They asked him what could possibly be the matter - after all, he was driving a luxury car.

"I just passed my wife." he told them. "and she was on a skateboard."

In the beginning, God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory. And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes more...