Company Jokes / Recent Jokes

Memo No. 1:
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
Memo No. 2:
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Memo No. 3:
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Memo No. 4:
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Memo No. 5:
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Memo No. 6:
The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the more...

(Outdated, but still fun.)
DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz.
can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8
compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be
discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's
no longer available.
Mac Beer
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered
by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one
from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you
call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A
notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a more...

Nov 28, 2005
Moved in to my new Hermosa Beach house at last. Finally, we live in the
smartest house in the neighborhood. Everything's networked. The
cable TV is connected to our phone, which is connected to my
personal computer, which is connected to the power lines, all the
appliances and the security system. Everything runs
off a univeral remote with the friendliest interface I've ever
used. Programming is a snap. I'm like, totally wired.
Nov 30
Hot Stuff! Programmed my VCR from the office, turned up the
thermostat and switched on the lights with the car phone, remotely
tweaked the oven a few degress for my pizza. Everthing nice & cozy
when I arrived. Maybe I should get the universal remote surgically attached.
Dec 3
Yesterday, the kitchen CRASHED. Freak event. As I opened the
refrigerator door, the light bulb blew. Immediately, everything
else electrical shut down - lights, microwave, coffee maker -
everything. more...

1950:
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price. What is his profit?

1960 (traditional math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price, or in other words $80. What is his profit?

1970 (new math):
A lumberjack exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C is a subset of set M, of cardinality 80. What is the cardinality of the set P of profits, if P is the difference set MC?

1980 (equal opportunity math):
A lumberjack sells a truckload of wood for $100. His or her cost of production is $80, and his or her profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

1990 (outcome based education):
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a lumberperson makes $20. What do you think of his way of more...

DEFINING SOCIETIES VIA THE OWNERSHIP OF 2 COWSFEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.DICTATORSHIP: You have two more...

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O.K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere."On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Apple Corporation Sues Itself.[AP] In a move that has industrial analysts scratching their heads, Apple Computers has filed suit against Apple Computers Corporation. The company claims that Apple has violated the Look and Feel of their own machines which has helped to make the company famous.An Apple Spokesperson stated "This is no joke. If we don't protect our copyrighted interface, everyone will use it and we could lose the exclusive right. So it is in our best interests to sue anyone who uses the Macintosh Look and Feel, including ourselves." The spokesperson says Apple has retained the prestigious LA law firm of Kukla, Fran and Ollie to spearhead the lawsuit. Apple's in house lawyers will defend.Long time Apple observer Ernest Dinklefwat stated that this is a sure sign that Apple has too many lawyers and not enough engineers. more...