Compared Jokes

New reports show that pharmaceutical companies are paying twice as much to persuade doctors to subscribe their drugs than they are paying to actually develop the drugs.
Though that's nothing compared with the hours and hours I'll put into trying to get a girl into bed, compared with the actual time spent in bed.


(PS just a joke, ladies, i'm amazing in bed)
(PPS just kidding... i'm gay, and also not really good in bed)
(PPPS double joke! i'm straight-ish, but who cares)
(PPPPS i actually put in double the time making jokes ABOUT this joke than i did writing the actual joke... boom)

One of the joys of being an intro computer science instructor is the
pleasure of being evaluated by undergrads on a quarterly basis. Below
are a few of my favorites from among the many insightful comments I have
received.
Winter 1991:
"Jeff made CIS 211 interesting. This is no small feat..."
"Compared to what I was told about you, you are better than I expected."
Autumn 1990:
"I think in the future you should find an instructor who knows all
about Macs and who likes them." -I'd rather use a better computer
than a different instructor, but to each his own.
"Difficult course matter, takes a lot more than just class time to
learn." -I guess a number of courses don't require any time outside
class.
"Tried to be funny-wasn't."
Spring 1989:
"...he made the best out of an unbearable situation."
"Incredibly boring." -Up until then, I hadn't realized I had more...

Recent Generations Compared:
1940 generation 1965 generation 1990 generation
_______________ _______________ _______________
International Defeat of Hitler, Opposed Vietnam Changed channel
Achievement Communism War to MTV
Judicial Legal system should Legal system should Legal system should
idea support society change society destroy society
Technological Moon landing Personal computer Beeper, car alarm
highlight
Highbrow Classical Jazz Easy listening
Music
Lowbrow Big bands Rock Rap
Music
Civil rights Martin Luther King Malcolm X Damian Williams
leader
Hero Eisenhower John Kennedy Madonna
Economic Raise 60's generation Develop Support 60's
achievement Sophisticated generation
Tastes retirement
Fav' drug Cigarettes Marijuana Crack
Drug most Marijuana Crack Cigarettes
hated
Economic Work hard - get ahead Let your parents/ Prepare for employment
philosophy government support at more...

Hillary Clinton compared herself this weekend to Rocky.

Does she mean she got brain damaged after being hit by a black guy?

MEN and WOMEN, COMPARED:
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water more...