Complaint Jokes / Recent Jokes
An allegedly real-life customer complaint letter sent to the NTL complaints dept..
Dear Cretins
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions.
Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B & H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive.
When he did not more...
Doctor, doctor, I cant concentrate, one minute Im ok, and the next minute, Im blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint?
The complaint letter from Judi:We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff. Sined by the blonds at the ofise (sine with a penseel so you can erace it if you make a mistake)
"My mother-in-law passed away last week." "What was the complaint?" "There was no complaint. Everybody was satisfied."
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, November 29, 1992The Ontario Press Council dismissed a complaint filed by Allan Sorensen against the Toronto Sun, which had reported that Sorenson had choked his ex-girlfriend. Sorensen's complaint was that his reputation was damaged because the Sun engaged in "speculation" that he had used only one hand to choke her (the other being forced into her mouth). In fact, he said he used both hands.
One day a man has a terrible stomach complaint and goes along to see his doctor. The doctor tells him that he is very ill, but that he can cure his condition with a course of suppositories inserted deep into his rectum every 6 hours.
"Right" says the doctor, "bend over and I'll do the first one for you." The man bends down and the doctor deposited the suppository. He then gives the man his course and sends him home.
At home 6 hours later the man realises that he can't stick the supposiory far enough up, by himself, so he asks his wife to help him insert the slippery bullet. After explaining to her what to do, the man bends over. His wife puts one hand on her husband's shoulder to brace herself and thrusts really hard. To her horror the man lets out a blood curdling scream.
"My God" she cries. "What's the matter? Did I hurt you?"
"No" replies the man. "But I have just realised that when more...
Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint?