Complete Jokes / Recent Jokes
How many men do you need to screw on a light bulp?
One. They'll screw anything.
How many Finns does it take to change a light bulp?
Unknown, becouse when Finns notice that the light bulp is made of glass and
that it has threads they spend the entire night trying to fix it!
How many software pirates does it take to change a light bulp?
3, first one gets as new a light bulp as possible, the second changes it and
the third one codes an intro that says what they just achieved.
How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulp?
One. Bono holds up the light bulp, and the universe revolves around his ass.
How many Lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulp?
50 to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that
better."
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulp?
They have a machine that does that now.
How many Filipinoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
We don't more...
A guy enters a bar and sees a large jar with $10 bills in it. "What's with the jar of money?" he asks the bartender.
"We're having a contest," explains the bartender. "First you put $10 in the jar, then you have three tasks to complete. If you complete all three, you get the money that's in the jar."
"What the hell," the guy says, "I'll give it a try." He puts his money in the jar and asks what the tasks are.
"First," the bartender says, "you have to drink 10 shots of Tequila in a row without making a face. Second, my Doberman is out back and he has a sore tooth. You have to pull out his tooth, but I must warn you, he can be quite ferocious. Third, there's an old woman upstairs who's never had sex. You must have sex with her.
The guy agrees, so the bartender lines up the Tequila shots and he drinks them all down without making a face. Now quite drunk, he staggers out back and the bartender hears a lot of more...
The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final.Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer.Since he was so busy galavanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember there were 1000 students in the class.During this particular final, one guy entered the test needing a decent grade to pass the class. His only problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and the lecturer standing in the front of the room, barking out how much time was left before the tests had to be handed in, more...
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth. You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self- adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
* more...
A painter was asked how the visitors to his new exhibition liked the paintings.
They were divided into 2 groups, said the painter, half said it was a complete waste of paint and the other half said it was a complete waste of canvas.
EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift
EMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping
EMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes Simpler
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal
EMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate Sales
EMACS: Each Manual`s Audience is Completely Stupified
EMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy Screen
EMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer Storage
EMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the System
EMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete Simplicity
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe Alternative Civilizations Survive
EMACS: Egregious Managers Actively Court Stallman
EMACS: Esoteric Malleability Always Considered Silly
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Always Cause Senility
EMACS: Easily Maintained with the Assistance of Chemical Solutions
EMACS: Edwardian Manifestation of All Colonial Sins
EMACS: Extended Macros Are Considered Superfluous
EMACS: Every Mode Accelerates Creation of Software
EMACS: Elsewhere Maybe more...