Complete Jokes / Recent Jokes
A motorcycle cop had just pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign."May I see your driver's license and registration please.?"What's the problem, officer?""You just ran that stop sign back there.""Oh come on, pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me.""Nevertheless, sir, you are required to come to complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution.""You gotta be kidding me.""It's no joke, sir.""Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution.""That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now, if I may see your license and...""You've got a lot of time on your hands, pal. What's the matter, all the donut shops closed?""Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately.""I will, if you can tell me the difference more...
A motorcycle cop on patrol watched as Banta in a car slowed down at a stop sign, without coming to a complete stop, then sped off.
The motorcycle cop pulled the vehicle over and approached Banta.
"Sir, can I please see your license and rgistration."
Banta replies, "Not until you tell me what the heck I did wrong, Officer."
The officer explain, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign a few blocks back."
"Let me guess," said Banta, "all the wine shops are closed today!"
"Sir, I'm going to overlook that last comment. Now, if you would please show me your license and registration."
Banta counters, "Not until you tell me the difference between slowing down and coming to a complete stop."
"Sir, step out of the car."
As Banta reluctantly gets out of his car, the officer begins beating him over the head with his nightstick and exclaims, "Now, sir, would you more...
There was an Irishman who always wanted a Rolls Royce, fortunately he won the lottery and he decided to buy one with all this money. So he decided to go and have a drive in his new car, he was driving along the motorway and suddenly he saw a Hitchhiker, he pulled over and let the Hitchhiker get in. Half way through the journey the Hitchhiker pulled a gun out on the Irishman, he told him to get out the car, so the Irishman did. The Hitchhiker drew a circle on the floor with a piece of chalk and said
"Stand there at all times". So the Irishman did, the Hitchhiker pulled out a baseball bat and started hitting the car with it, the Irishman laughed and giggled, the Hitchhiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence. Then the Hitchhiker got angry so he started to smash the windows, the Irishman laughed and giggled again, the Hitchiker asked why he was laughing, complete silence again. This time the Hitchhiker got really angry and blew the car up, the Irishman laughed his more...
Bureau Termination, Law of: When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out, the number of employees in that bureau will double within 12 months after the decision is made.
Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Calkin's Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
Canada Bill Jones's Motto: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Canada Bill Jones's Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
Carlson's Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Carson's Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits, buy the other one, more...
A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...........
Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign "
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, thats the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no more...
NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.
Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small more...