Conductor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ik adhami bus te chard reha aa te aage kurdiya ah jandiya ne
Oh kurdiya nu kehnda ke tusi pehlo chard jo mein badh
vich charda aa
Kurdiya chard jandiya ne te conductor kehnda aa "No
More"
Soch da aa koi gal ney mein agli bus te chard java ga
Dujhi bus aundi aa te pher kurdiya ah jandiya ne, te dubara oh kurdiya nu keh denda aa ke tusi pehlo chard jo, es vari vi conductor kehna aa "No More"
Pher agli bus ley udeekda aa
Jadho chardan laga aa te pher kurdiya ah janiya ne, te conductor pher ak da aa "No More"
Haar ke bandha kehnda aa "Sala morniya nu chardayi janda aa, jadh mor de vari aundi aa te kehnda aa NO MORE"

3 engineers and 3 accountants were taking a trip to a conference. At the train station, each accountant bought their ticket. However, the engineers only bought one ticket for all three of them.

The accountants asked how they were going to get away with only having one ticket, and the engineers told them to watch and see.
After they boarded the train and it started moving, all three engineers locked themselves in the bathroom. When the conductor came to collect the tickets, he knocked on the door. The door cracked open and a hand shot out with the ticket. The conductor, not knowing that there were three people inside, took it and moved on. After he left the car the engineers came out. The accountants, were impressed, and told the engineers that they would try the same trick on the return trip.
On the way back, the accountants got one ticket, but the engineers didnt get any. The accountants laughed and wondered how the engineers were going to get themselves out of more...

Three accountants and three engineers are travelling by train to a convention. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers buy only one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" one of the accountants asks. "Watch and you'll see," an engineer says.
They all board the train. The three accountants take their respective seats, but the three engineers cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants watched this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after the convention, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
They all arrive at the station and the three more...

When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he knew the music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during rehearsal. Afterwards, one musician was overheard whispering to the other, impressed, "Well, this kid really knows his stuff!" The other replied, "I don't think he is so hot. Did you notice how flat his high E was at the end?"

A conductor was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He constantly gave this guy personal attention and much advice, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.
The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down."
The violist replied, "You`re kidding! The conductor came to my house?"

For Theresa Muir who requested Canadian / Newfie humour: Back in the days when trains ran in Newfoundland, a passenger was travelling from Corner Brook to St. John'n when, all of a sudden, there was a tremendous thump and bang followed by a really rough ride for a few seconds. This was followed by another thump, bang and the ride became smooth again.
Just then, the conductor was passing through the car, so the passenger asked, "What happened back there?"
The conductor replied, "Oh, we just ran over a mainlander."
The passenger asked, "What, was he lying on the track?"
The conductor replied, "Oh no, he was out in the field but we got him!"