Conductor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire, one a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor and the other a horn player.
The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!".
The trumpet player, not wanting to be outdone, tosses his empty can of Coors into the air, shoots it and declares "Ha! I just shot the silver bullet!".
The horn player, ever so suave, reaches into his pack, pulls out a bottle of Michelob, calmly drinks the whole thing, tosses his bottle into the air and shoots the conductor. Grinning broadly at his fellow players he says "Guys, it just doesn't get any better than this.".
An orchestra is rehearsing a piece in which the tuba has a solo after 84 bars rest. At the point where the tuba should start the solo, nothing happens. So, the conductor stops and asks the tuba player why he didn't play. "I have 84 bars rest," says the tubist.
To which the conductor replies, "But we are past those 84 bars already".
The tubist: "How should I know that?".
The conductor replies, "You can count, can't you?".
The tubist: "Do you call that rest?"
Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect well pick up speed now youre getting off!
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down." The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"
A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why? The conductor. Business before pleasure.
This happened way back when there were only CTB buses plying on our roads.
One fine day, a bus driver went to the depot, started his bus, and drove off along the route. As there were no ticket vending machines in Sri Lankan buses, there is another person in the bus, called the' conductor' of the bus, whose duty is to issue tickets to the passengers and collect the fare.
No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however,' Thadi Piya', a big hulk of a guy got on. Well over six feet, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, "Thadi Piya doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the conductor was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Thadi Piya, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened-Thadi Piya got on again, made a show of refusing to more...
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down."The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"