Conference Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it?
You swim across - all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.

I received this bulletin today and thought I should pass it on in time to save
everyone the embarrassment of making passe, partisan holiday plan faux pas.


RE: Chrismukah

Subject: UNEXPECTED MERGER

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was
announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge.
An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the over-
head cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was
becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the
world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the
Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being
the hardest more...

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, itwas announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah willmerge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that theoverhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milkingbeing the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," themessage on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous more...

WOMEN'S RIGHTSThe following took place at an international conference for women's rights. The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." (The crowd cheered). The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well. (The crowd again cheered). The third speaker, a Jamaican lady, stood up and more...

A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime of her career, started losing her eyesight. She went to see the best eye surgeon in the world. After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: The doctor's office.
During the press conference, a reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly-painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"
To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank the Lord I'm not a gynaecologist.'"

This just in from News Service: A MAJOR MERGER IS ANNOUNCED
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.
An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both organizations. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Twenty Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead more...