Conference Jokes / Recent Jokes

INTELLIGENCE IS A BYPRODUCT OF EVOLUTION Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee.
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the Microsoft more...

This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,"
he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a
hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair more...

Chinese Delegate At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, "Likee soupee?". The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly. A little later, it was "Likee fishee?" and "Likee meatee?" and "Likee fruitee?" and always the response was an affable nod. At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening - none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of the American neighbor. When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbor and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, "Likee speechee?"

Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the memo. Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters. All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models. Approved:
Needs revising Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself. Channels:
The trails left by interoffice memos. Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground. Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor. Confidential Memo:
No time to photocopy for the whole office. Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch. Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while. FYI:
Found yesterday, interested? In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her. Let's Get Together On This:
I'm assuming you're as confused as I. Note & Initial:
I'm not taking more...

It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"
The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"

An American mathematician returns home from a conference in Moscow^
An American mathematician returns home from a conference in Moscow on real and complex analysis.
The immigration officer at the airport glances at his landing card and says: "So, your trip to Russia was business related. What's the nature of your business?"
"I am a professor of mathematics."
"What kind of mathematics are you doing?"
The professor ponders for a split second, trying to come up with something that would sound specific enough without making the immigration officer suspicious, and replies: "I am an analyst."
The immigration officer more...

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train.
The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and more...

Two merchants from a small town were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. A large party was thrown, with an abundance of food and drink. When the party ended, they both staggered outside.
As one crossed the street, the other stumbled into a subway entrance.
When the first guy reached the other side of the street, he looked around and caught sight of his friend emerging from the subway stairs. "Where the heck have you been?" slurred the first guy.
"I don't know," the other replied, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"