Confused Jokes / Recent Jokes
July 18
I just tried to connect to America online, which I`ve heard is the best online service I can get. I can`t connect, I don`t know what is wrong.
July 19
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don`t see why. He`s just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 20
I bought the modem, I couldn`t figure out where it goes though, it wouldn`t fit in the monitor or the printer. I`m confused.
July 21
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. A three year old next door did it for me.
July 22
The three year old kid next door hooked me up to America online for me. He`s so smart.
July 23
What the heck is the internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this internet thingy. I`m confused.
July 24
The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. He must be a genius at least compared to me.
July 25
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk more...
A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said that it' 'could not find the printer.'' The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printerbut his computer still could not' see' the printer.
The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and Irish.
Rail:
Gentlemen, I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2, 000 years ago. Yours truly,
A Commuter.
------------------------------------------------ Dear Sir, We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2, 000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely,
Iarnrod Eireann.
---------------------------------------------- Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass. That, more...
At the conclusion of a criminal trial in a high profile bank robbery case, the judge turned to the jury foreman and asked if the jury had reached a verdict.
"Yes, we have, your honor," replied the foreman.
"Would you pass it to me, please," the judge said, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
The judge read the slip, gave it back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman, and instructed the foreman, "Please read the verdict to the court."
"We, the jury, find the defendant Not Guilty on all three counts of bank robbery," the foreman stated. Upon hearing the verdict, the defendant's family and friends jumped for joy, hugging each other as they shouted expressions of divine gratitude.
The defendant's attorney turned to him and asked, "So, what do you think of that?"
With a bewildered look on his face, the defendant replied, "I'm very confused. more...
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to more...
One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, "Mom? Am I a polar bear?"
"Well of course son!"
The cub replied, "You’re sure I'm not a panda bear or a black bear?"
"No, of course not. Now run outside and play."
But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.
The cub asks, "Dad, am I a polar bear?"
"Why of course son!" the papa polar bear gruffly replies.
The cub continues, "I don't have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?"
"No son. I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?"
"Because I'm freezing my BUTT off!!"