Confused Jokes / Recent Jokes
I'm so confused I'm not sure if I lost my horse or found a rope.
How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her to count the stairs on a escalator.
Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.
She says, "Put that away, Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."
Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with. Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"
He says, "I wanna play Mommy and Daddy." Trying not to register surprise and a bit confused about what her 10 year old son was learning in school, she decided to appease him, by saying, "Fine, I'll play.
What do I do?" Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down."
Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He took his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up more...
We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko
bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No
Rights.
You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
form of wealth.
More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing
anything.
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just more...
Q: Why do blonde's get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down.
The madam of a bawdy house answered the ring of the bell and, on opening the door, she found standing there on the threshold, an ancient, bearded gentleman in rabbi's garb.
"May I come in?" asked the rabbi gently in an aged, quavering voice.
Feeling a little confused, the madam said, "But rabbi, surely you must be in the wrong place. Here is where we-"
"I know what you do here," interrupted the rabbi. "you don't think I came here for chopped liver, do you? Bring on the girls."
Still confused, but understanding her professional duties, the madam had several girls line up. The rabbi tottered from one to another until he reached Rose, a large redhead with enormous breasts. He looked at her with appreciation and pointed,
"Good! I'll take those."
The rabbi paid out the necessary sum and Rosie led him upstairs. She helped him off with his coat and hung it up carefully on the nail on the door. Then she helped him off more...
there was a man walking home from a party with his buddies and he looks at them and says man im so thirsty i have to go get a drink, the guys say ya thats cool we will meet up later. So the guy walks around looking for the closest bar he could find and without even looking at the name he walks right in. When he gets inside he saw nothing but girls that looked like guys and guys that acted liked girls...but he didnt care he just wanted a drink. So he walked up to the bartender and said hey i need a bud light. the bartender looked at him and said whats your name? the man said John so the bartender said nope sorry man i cant serve you. John got all heated and said well why not and the bartender said cus you dont have a name then john said but i gave you my name...its john the bartender said no sir im sorry i still cant serve you. so john looks to his left and then to his right and taps the guy to his left on the shoulder. he said hey man whats your name? and the man on the right said more...