Confused Jokes / Recent Jokes
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, sohe asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20, 000, minus 14%, how much wouldyou take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Calls people to ask them their phone number. Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff. Can discern facts and form predictions with the acumen of an economist. Can easily be confused with facts. Can only remember her old passwords. Can only shoot pool with a left-handed cue stick. Can't distinguish jacking off and stropping a razor. Can't find log base two of 65536 without a calculator. Can't program his way out of a for-loop. Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat. Carrier wave unmodulated. Carries a tire gauge in her purse. Cart can't hold all the groceries. Cauliflower for brains. Changes hands and picks up a stroke. Charming as a carbuncle. Cheats when filling out opinion polls. Cheezwiz for brains. Chimney's clogged. Clock doesn't have all its numbers. Collects cards for Craig. Communications with him is limited to ping. Confused as a baby in a topless bar. Consumes hard drugs as vitamins. Contributes to collections like this one without searching first to see if more...
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says:
" Normally, one is granted three wishes, but as you are three, I will allow one wish each. "
So the eager senior manager shouted: " I want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pfufffff …. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted:
" I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "
Pfufffff …. And he was also gone.
The boss calmly said: " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12. 30 pm. "
MORAL OF THE STORY: ALWAYS LET THE BOSS SPEAK FIRST
LESSON 2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand," Listen," said more...
Thoughts and stories from on the jobMy boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?" I told him, "Nope! I do this for free." This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too". Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work ?" I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions ?" She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?" People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When's more...
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA, when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of' -ese' are you?"
The Japanese, confused and replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of' -ese' are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yell, "What kind of -ese are ou? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc..."
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I'm a Japanese!".
A while later, the Japanese turned to the American and asked, "What kind of' -key' are you?"
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What you mean what kind of' -key' I am?"
The Japanese said, "Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee?"
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more...