Congress Jokes / Recent Jokes

The AP reported that Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison chose to use Thomas Jefferson’s Koran “because it showed that a visionary like Jefferson believed that wisdom could be gleaned from many sources.”
Of course, had Ellison lived when Jefferson did, Jefferson would have owned him.
Meanwhile, all that stuff about Muslims being the new black man doesn't make any sense to me. If Muslims are the new black man, why are so many black men, like Ellison, converting to Islam? Because they don’t feel black enough? Because they want to get in on the Muslims’ lucrative African slave trade?
Regardless, it’s nice to see Ellison respecting the founding father. After all, Jefferson may very well be his great-great grandfather.

This is the result of an real in-class assignment at SMU:

For Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.



At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he eked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she more...

Today it was revealed that Phil Quaver, Republican Congressman from Nevada was guilty of having an inappropriate relationship with a horse. He claims to have only sent the horse e-mails and instant messages, though once he did give it sugar lumps and on another occasion he fingered its anus.


The question being asked on Capitol Hill today is did Representative Quaver's superiors know about the threat he posed to this and other horses? Why was the stable owner never notified?


Representative Quaver has resigned and admitted his behavior, but recently claimed to be suffering from alcoholism brought on by the fact that he was molested by a horse as a child.

Nearly everything has changed in the United States since the Bill of Rights was written and adopted. We still see the original words when we read those first 10 Amendments to the Constitution, yet the meaning is vastly different now.

And no wonder. We`ve gone from a country of a few million to a few hundred million. The nation`s desire to band together was replaced by revulsion of togetherness. We exchanged a birthright of justice for a magic bullet, and replaced the Pioneer Spirit with the Pioneer Stereo.

We`re not the people who founded this country and our Bill of Rights should reflect this. As we approach the 21st Century, it`s time to bring the wording up to date showing what we are and who we are.

AMENDMENT I

Congress shall make no law establishing religion, but shall act as if it did; and shall make no laws abridging the freedom of speech, unless such speech can be construed as "commercial speech" or "irresponsible more...

This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:----------------------------------------------------------------Rebecca and Gary English 44ASMUCreative WritingProf Miller In-class Assignment for WednesdayToday we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the personsitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then writethe first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read thefirst paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. Thefirst person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back andforth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in orderto keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree aconclusion has been reached. - ---------------------------------------------------------------At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. Thecamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who more...

Mar 18, 1997 (AP)
Following the recent announcement that all available humor has been used, and is now being recycled, a very unexpected reactionhas occurred in Congress. Responding to a flood of calls and letters,, members of both houses of Congress have come together to attempt to resolve the problem. In a rare show of bipartisan cooperation, a majority of Senators and Representatives signed a letter to the President asking him to release some of the US strategic reserves of humor.
It is a little known fact, but the United States keeps a large reserve of humor, in a manner similar to that in which oil reserves are stored. Located in abandoned salt caves buried deep in Louisiana, the humor is stored for times of national emergency and general unhappiness.
Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, in a statement made during a press conference to announce the letter stated: "The American people have spoken. The vas majority of the comments we have all received have been from more...

This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
Rebecca and Gary English 44ASMUCreative WritingProf Miller In-class Assignment for WednesdayToday we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the personsitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then writethe first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read thefirst paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. Thefirst person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back andforth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in orderto keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree aconclusion has been reached.
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. Thecamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. more...