Congressional Jokes / Recent Jokes
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you`re paying too much for the AT T virus. Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It`ll be back.
Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Texas virus:
Makes sure that it`s bigger than any more...
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack-once if by LAN, twice if by C:POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: more...
Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.
If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!
It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.
Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10, 000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.
The Clintons charge the Federal government $10, 000 monthly rent for the use more...
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB. ATnT virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the ATnT virus. Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it. Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of more...
Hillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!It's common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. They are entitled to Secret Service protection for life. Still makes sense.Here is where it becomes interesting. Their mortgage payments hover at around $10,000 per month. BUT, an extra residence HAD to be built within the acreage to house the Secret Service agents.The Clintons charge the Federal government $10,000 monthly rent for the use of that extra residence, more...