Consists Jokes / Recent Jokes

You Might Be A College Student:
If you average 3 hours of sleep a night
If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
If you wake up 10 minutes before class
If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row - without washing them
If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
If your social life consists of a date with the library
If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
If you carry less than a dollar on your person
If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
If you celebrate when you find a quarter
If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
If you get more sleep in class than in your room
If your idea of feeding the poor is more...

You Might Be A College Student:If you average 3 hours of sleep a nightIf your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn'tIf you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a weekIf you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcyIf you wake up 10 minutes before classIf you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row - without washing themIf your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to classIf your social life consists of a date with the libraryIf it takes a shovel to find the floor of your roomIf you carry less than a dollar on your personIf you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to classIf you celebrate when you find a quarterIf your room is so cold that your toilet freezes overIf you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itselfIf your backpack is giving you ScoliosisIf you get more sleep in class than in your roomIf your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen NoodlesIf you can sleep through your roommate's blaring more...

Women are empathic, men are pathetic. We haven't got a clue as to empathizing with another human being.
Male bonding consists of hitting each other on the shoulder, swearing a lot, and talking about the latest football game (Go Bears!!!) while consuming huge amounts of beer.
Female bonding is another thing all together. It consists of expressing emotions from despair to bliss, talking of inner feelings and personal relationships, and, of course, how clueless we men are.
Example from my marriage: Shorty after our Honeymoon, my bride stepped between me and the television, and said "We have to talk." Being new to the married thing, and not knowing the ramifications of a "we have to talk" talk, I immediately turned the TV off (the Bears were winning big anyway, and I was out of beer), and said "Whatever is bothering you is bothering me. Tell me about it."
This was, I thought, just the kind of careing, loving statement a good husband should more...

You Might Be A College Student: If you average 3 hours of sleep a nightIf your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn'tIf you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a weekIf you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcyIf you wake up 10 minutes before classIf you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing themIf your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to classIf your social life consists of a date with the libraryIf it takes a shovel to find the floor of your roomIf you carry less than a dollar on your personIf you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to classIf you celebrate when you find a quarterIf your room is so cold that your toilet freezes overIf you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itselfIf your backpack is giving you ScoliosisIf you get more sleep in class than in your roomIf your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen NoodlesIf you can sleep through your roommate's blaring more...

The following are all quotes from an 11 year old's science exams:
1) When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
2) H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
3) To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube.
4) When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
5) Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
state.
6) Water is composed of 2 gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
7) Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
8) Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
9) Respiration is composed of 2 acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.
10) The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader.
11) Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead
of the bull.
12) Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them more...

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like' 'data and' 'beta version.'' They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.

Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:

Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for' 'doesn't work.''

Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for' 'still doesn't work.''

Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger' 'Duffy'' Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf more...