Consists Jokes

When I went to college in the 1980's, I heard a lot of words like "data input" and "beta version." They confused me. I wanted desperately to know what people were talking about, what Big Secret resided in the computer industry.
Now that I've worked in a computer company for the last few years, I've gained an insider's perspective. I decided to share my knowledge with the uninitiated by creating the following brief, handy glossary:
Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
Computer. Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On more...

CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."
Your workday consists of coming in at 10, thinking up Top Five entries with 30 of your coworkers, then leaving at 4.
Dr. Kervorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."
Windows 95 shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.
Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.
Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.
Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.
Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Attic.
Company dental more...

A jury consists of 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

The following are all quotes from an 11 year old's science exams:
1) When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
2) H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
3) To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube.
4) When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
5) Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
state.
6) Water is composed of 2 gins, Oxygin & Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
7) Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
8) Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
9) Respiration is composed of 2 acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.
10) The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader.
11) Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead
of the bull.
12) Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them more...

You Might Be A College Student:
If you average 3 hours of sleep a night
If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
If you wake up 10 minutes before class
If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row - without washing them
If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
If your social life consists of a date with the library
If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
If you carry less than a dollar on your person
If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
If you celebrate when you find a quarter
If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
If you get more sleep in class than in your room
If your idea of feeding the poor is more...