Consultants Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
Go to Africa.
Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
During each traverse pass,
Catch each animal seen.
Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY more...

The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and how to access the "Information Highway."An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn't working. His attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail.He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address.He replied, "The sign advertising the concert said,' begins@7:30PM'."

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa,
throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of
whatever is left.
Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove
the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1
as a subordinate exercise.
Professors of mathematics will prove the existence
of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture
of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
Computer scientists hunt elephants by exercising
Algorithm A:
Go to Africa.
Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
alternately east and west.
During each traverse pass,
Catch each animal seen.
Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A
by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the more...

Mathematicians hunt Lions by throwing out everything that is not a Lion
and catching one of whatever is left. Experienced mathematicians will
attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique Lion before
proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise. Professors of mathematics
will prove the existence of at least one unique Lion and then leave the
detection and capture of an actual Lion to their graduate students.
Quantum Mechanics Scientists spend their time trying to ascertain whether
a Lion is only visible when there is someone there to see it and go on to
design fiendishly complicated traps for theoretical Lions involving small
amounts of radioactive substances and glass vials of toxic vapour
(Schrodinger's Lion).
Logicians don't hunt Lions; for them it is sufficient to prove the
existence of Lions and Lion-hunters and an additional theorem which proves
that Lion-hunters do indeed hunt Lions (at least in theory).
Computer more...