Convent Jokes / Recent Jokes
The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called the electric company's complaint department to ask for help.
'The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.', said the nun.
'Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.', said the company spokeswoman.
Mother superior then observed,' I think the term they actually use is' %#$&*%$ shovel''.
A Texan preacher wanted to raise some money for his church; hearing that there was a lot of money in horse racing, he decided to purchase horse. However, horses proved to be too expensive for his small budget, so he ended up buying a donkey instead. Figuring he had nothing to lose, the preacher decided to enter the donkey in the horse race, in which, to his astonishment, the donkey came in second place! The next day's headlines in the Daily Racing Form read:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
Encouraged by the donkey's strong beginning, the preacher entered the donkey in the races again. This time the donkey won, inspiring the headline,
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
Meanwhile, the bishop had gotten word of these outrageous headlines and decided that this kind of publicity was not good for his parish. So, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. Next day the headlines read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
Needless to say, the bishop was not more...
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if Im in the shower. Send him in."The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "Thats nice and all, maam, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?
There were 101 nuns in a convent, Mother Superior and 100 Sisters. One sunday, all of the nuns were kept in after praying. Mother Superior stood before them and announced that there had been a MAN in the convent last night.
99 Nuns went "
Oh no!"
1 Nun went "
Tee Hee Hee!"
Mother Superior then went on say that a condom had been found in the corridor.
99 Nuns went "
Oh NO!!"
1 Nun went "
Tee Hee Hee!!"
Then, with a smug smirk upon her face, Mother Superior said: "
There was a hole in the condom."
1 Nun went "
OH NO!!!"
99 Nuns went "
Tee Hee Hee!!!"
The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting withher young charges and she asked them what they wanted to bewhen they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute." The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When theyrevived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped,"What did you say?" The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute." "A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweetJesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."
A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent.
The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him.
"Twenty bucks a trick!"
These solicitations embarrass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent.
Once inside he displays his naivet
A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent. The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him.
"Twenty bucks a trick!"
These solicitations embarrass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent. Once inside he displays his naivet