Cookies Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little old lady went to the grocery store & put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten."The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, & the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."The little old lady went home, picked up her cat & brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.The next day, the old lady went to the store & bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food.Frustrated, she went home, came back & brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.The next day, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to more...

Christmas is one day, same day every year. December 25. Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida).
Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat.
Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos.... Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive on the bookshelf.
There is only one way to spell more...

After a long, bumpy flight, our passengers were glad to finally land.
They disembarked, and the other attendants and I checked for items left behind.
In a seat pocket, I found a bag of home-made cookies with a note saying, "Much love, Mom."
Quickly, I gave the bag to our gate agent in hopes it would be reunited with its owner.
A few minutes later, an announcement came over the public-address system in the concourse: "Would the passenger who lost his cookies on Flight 502, please return to the gate?"

A little old lady went to the grocery store & put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten." The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, & the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat." The little old lady went home, picked up her cat & brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, the old lady went to the store & bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food. Frustrated, she went home, came back & brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies. The next day, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier more...

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, more...

A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing.

After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks' Can I have one of those cigarettes?'

Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt' no' asks' Does your dick reach your ass?'. The boy replies' No, it doesn't'.' Then,' said grandpa,' you aren't old enough to smoke.'

Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig.' Does your dick reach your ass?' asks the old man.' No, replies the boy.'' Then you're not big enough to touch beer,' comes the reply.

By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to more...

There were 2 blondes walking in the woods. One of them had a bag. So the one with the bag said to the other girl,"
If you can guess how many cookies are in my bag I'll give you both of them!"