Cool Jokes / Recent Jokes
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a
woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the
store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch.. .. You may choose any man from a
particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back
down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband..
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
*********
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
*********
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, more...
Condom that doubles as a self-inflating hot-air balloon (with reservoir tip)
"The Cartman" - an anal probe that facilitates otherwise impossible ski moves
Palm Pilot to distract bad guys with that hilarious Top 5 List
Condom coated with truth serum
Can of whoop-ass disguised as a Diet Coke
Miniature caulking gun for holes in the plot
Giant foam hand that says "British Secret Service #1!"
Viagra Martini: for when he's shaken, not stirred
Really grippy pliers
Cool British sports car that - get this - actually *runs*!
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Cool New Gadget Used by James Bond...
Whatever it is, I bet a cheap plastic replica of it will fit in a Happy Meal.
Rumination of the Day: If you get a headache while in church, that means that God is trying to see what you're thinking. Contrary to logic, you should not make things easier by yelling to God, "So why didn't the Thundercats have their own theme more...
A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology.
After one week, a test was held.
The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird’s legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs.
The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.
The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.
Finally, he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test paper on the teacher’s desk.
“This is the worst test I have ever given. ”
The teacher looked up and said, “Young man, you have flunked the test. What’s your name? “
The student pulled up his pant to the knee showing his legs and said, “You tell me”.
A guy walks into work and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss asks, `What happened to your ears?` He says, `Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the phone,` The boss asks, `Well that explains one ear, what about to your other ear?` He says, "Well, jeez, i had to call the doctor!`
A student is taking his final exams. He takes his seat in the exam hall, stares at the questions and then in a fit for inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt, pants and socks.
The teacher, alarmed, approached him and asked what is going on?
I am only following the instructions -- the test paper states, answer the questions in brief.
A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first one a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first one answers, "That`s easy; we`ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well... uh... that`s because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second one and asks him, "This is your suspect, and how would you recognize him?"
The second one smiles and says, "Ha! He`d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What`s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it`s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up more...
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.
Whats that? he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said
Oh Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.
Horrified she said Tarzan you have it all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly.
She took off her clothes laid down on the ground and spread her legs.
Here she said pointing You must put it in here.
Tarzan removed his loincloth stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp
What the hell did you do that for?
Tarzan check for squirrels.