Cop Jokes / Recent Jokes

Haley Joel Osment was arrrested for drunk driving. Too bad. He can see dead people but he can't see a cop car.

Police are investigating a 28-year-old woman who kept the body of her roommate in their apartment for up to three weeks.

When questioned by police if she recently had an argument with her roommate the woman said, "No, in fact for the past three weeks we got along just fine."

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it."

...Zsa Zsa Gabor was issued a ticket by Beverly Hills police for erratic driving. Miss Gabor ran 2 red lights, drove over a stop sign, drove for 2 blocks on the sidewalk, hit a fire hydrant and 3 parked cars. She then apparently lost control of the car.

The Rookie Cop... A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again..."I SAID, let's get off that corner... NOW!"Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.

(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

Twin brothers, friend are arrested in Wisconsin after tip leads police to young woman's grave On their way to dig up a grave in rural southwestern Wisconsin, the Grunke brothers and a friend stopped at a Wal-Mart to pick up some condoms,
At least they did the safe thing, cause who really wants a zombie baby?