Cords Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man visited his doctor because he had a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consulted with the patient.

Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering."

Patient: "Ddddd octttor. Whhaaat cccan I dddo?"

The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing that six inches from the penis, freeing him from this horrible problem.

The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment, as well as, loss of employment and that anything would be worth it. The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his follow up.

Patient: "Doctor, the more...

A blonde fellow goes to a shop to buy a chainsaw so he can cut down some of the trees in his backyard.
"We have many different models," the salesman says, "Why not save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and buy the top-of-the-line model. This particular one will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After several hours and cutting only two cords, he decides to call it quits for the day, feeling sure there must be something wrong with the chainsaw.
"How can I cut for several hours and only cut two cords?" he thinks to himself. "I'll begin again first thing in the morning and cut all day."
The next morning he gets up at 5am and cuts and cuts all the way to nightfall, yet only manages to cut five cords. Now more convinced that there must be something wrong with the chainsaw, he decides to return it to the store.
The next day he takes the saw back to more...