Correct Jokes / Recent Jokes

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.
Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.

Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.

Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis.

Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)

Civil Engineering: This is a more...

Men should ace this test. .. women may have a little difficulty.
Mohan might have some trouble with this one.....

There IS a code of "Restroom Etiquette" that MUST be followed.
The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)

| | | x | | | x | (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | are occupied.)
-------------------------
You are to identify, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you
should stand.
Good luck!

===================
Easy Section
===================
1.)
| | x | | x | | | (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------
Your choice: ___
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Correct answer: 6 It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy
instinctively knows this.

2.)
| more...

How to Speak About Women and Be Politically Correct 1. She is not a Babe or a Chick - She is a Breasted American. 2. She is not a Screamer or Moaner - She is Vocally Appreciative. 3. She is not Easy - She is Horizontally Accessible. 4. She does not Tease or Flirt - She engages in Artificial Stimulation. 5. She is not Dumb - She is a Detour Off The Information Superhighway. 6. She has not Been Around - She is a Previously Enjoyed Companion. 7. She does not Get You Excited - She causes Temporary Blood Displacement. 8. She is not Kinky - She is a Creative Caretaker. 9. She does not have a Killer Body - She is Terminally Attactive. 10. She is not an Airhead - She is Reality Impaired. 11. She does not get Drunk or Tipsy - She gets Chemically Inconvenienced. 12. She is not Horny - She is Sexually Focused. 13. She does not have Breast Implants - She is Medically Enhanced. 14. She does not Nag You - She becomes Verbally Repetitive. 15. She is not a Slut - She is Sexually Extroverted. 16. She more...

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar"

The woman just could not believe this price so she asked the clerk if it was correct.

He said, "Yes, five for a dollar."

She said, "That can't be right!"

The clerk says, "Yes, it's correct. See here? Five boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."

Young man Murphy applied for an engineering
position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An
American applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were
asked to take a test by the Department manager.
Upon completion of the test both men only missed
one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy
and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've
decided to give the American the job"
Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We
both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland
and me being Irish I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the
correct answers, but on the question you missed."
Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer
be better than the other?"
Manager: "Simple, the American put down on
question # 5, "I don't know". You put down
"Neither do I ".

Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis.

They spotted this old fellow leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem.

One says, "my friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia." Which of us is correct?

The old man replies, "Well fellas, I thought it was a fart, but it looks like we were all wrong!"

1. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using
this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this
exam for you.
2. History: Describe the history of the papacy from its originas to the
present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic,
religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and
Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.
3. Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and
given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system
has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the
problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
4. Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't
suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
5. Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginies are
storming the more...