Cough Jokes / Recent Jokes

> What a boyfriend should do.. . . COUGH COUGH (just a little note from da gurlz) COUGH COUGH
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>Put your arms around her waist
>and whisper in her ears.
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>Kiss her every chance you get.
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>Hold her close when she's cold.
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>When you are alone hold
>her close and kiss her.
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>Kiss her on the tip of her nose
>(it will give her the hint that
>you want to kiss her.)
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>While in the movie, put your
>arm more...

How to Annoy Your Waiter:
10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.
9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"
7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".
6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"
5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.
4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"
3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.
2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"
1. Three words: eat the check.

10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"1. Three words: eat the check.

PATIENT: "Doctor can you help me? It's my hearing. I can't even hear myself cough."
DOCTOR: "Okay, have this prescription filled."
PATIENT: "Oh, will it improve my hearing?"
DOCTOR: "No, but it will help you cough better."

Told to me by my mother, who owned a pharmacy in Tennessee, in 1950.
A fellow with a bad cough comes in to the pharmacy, walks up to
the counter and asks for the pharmacist. A young clerk tells him
that the pharmacist is not available. The man asks the young
clerk if he can recommend anything for his cough.
The clerk gives him a bottle of some medicine for his cough.
The customer takes a big swig, then after a few minutes, with
no apparent relief, he takes another, and another.
In a short while, the pharmacist returns, and sees his old friend,
the customer with the cough, sitting quietly in a booth
near the soda fountain. He says to his clerk that the fellow
has never before stopped at the soda fountain.
The clerk proudly tells the pharmacist the story of his transaction.
The pharmacist looks at the recommended medication and angrily
reprimands the clerk for recommending a laxative, instead of cough syrup.
The clerk reminds more...

Outside a pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for dear life - not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle - just standing there, frozen. The pharmacist, seeing this strange sight in front of his shop, goes up to his assistant and asks, "What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?" Assistant replies, "Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help." Pharmacist says, "He seems to be fine now." Assistant replies, "Sure, he is. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market... Now he won't dare cough!"

A patient goes to a Polish doctor:
Patient: I am having a hard time hearing. I cannot even hear myself cough. Doctor: Here is a prescription, take the midicine for 7 days, then return for a checkup.
Seven Days Later: Patient: Thanks a million, doctor. At least, I can hear myself cough now. So what did you do to make me hear better? Doctor: Not much, I gave you medicine that increased your cough.