Counselor Jokes

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!"
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

1> Group: Anorexics Anonymous. You: Big chubby guy with an affinity for cheesecake.

2> Only half an hour into the meeting, and the keg's already dry.

3> Counselor greets you with, "Well, if it isn't Princess Pathetic!"

4> Their idea of 12 Steps involves two six-packs.

5> Instead of Mars & Venus, leader suggests you get in touch with Uranus.

6> You're host of the upcoming pool party for your Incontinent Beer-Drinkers Support Group.

7> They've voted to change their name to "Cathie Haters Anonymous."

8> Your Heart Attack Recovery Group counselor hasn't moved in three weeks and is starting to smell a little gamey.

9> Four months and the Nymphomania Group still hasn't recruited a female member.

10> Their 12-step program: "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in, then you shake it all about..."

11> "Parents Without more...

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15, 000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment counselor. The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the rightthing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor saidthat he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "thisis what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, whattime do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"